We are led to believe that monogamy is about love and faithfulness, that
people promise themselves exclusively to each other as an expression of
their love, and that if one breaks the promise the other is hurt by the
act of infidelity.
I say it is about property. The woman becomes the property of the man or, in modern society, each partner becomes the property of the other, and anyone threatening to take the property is the enemy.
Agreements work like this:
When a person with whom you have an agreement breaks the agreement you hold that person responsible and not other people with whom you have no agreement. For example, if your business associate shows up drunk at a meeting, it is his fault, not that of his friend who bought another round. You probably won't do business with him again.Property works like this:
When somebody steals your property, you blame the thief, not your property. When the cops catch the guy who broke into your house and took your TV, you lock the burglar in jail and keep the TV if it's still usable.Now, back to monogamous relationships, people's actions show the true nature of the arrangement. When a partner in a monogamous relationship has an affair with another, the person most likely to suffer bodily harm is the outsider. The offending partner is often "given another chance". See? Monogamy is about property.
Are you ready for the alternative? If, your spouse is not your property, how will you keep possession? Certainly not by prohibiting activities she/he enjoys. If you want to keep this person around, you'll have to give more than whoever else comes along.
It may seem like I'm saying, "To keep someone around, let them go." Variations of that are a popular misconception. The truth is that the motivation determines the result and any action taken leads to the same result. Let's get to the root of the issue. What I want you to know is this:
You have to live your life alone. You can share parts of it with others.
You can contribute to their lives and they to yours. You can follow
another or lead another for some time or in some area. You can teach and
learn from time to time. You came into life alone and you will leave
alone. All the joy and beauty of all your relationships will always be on
a background of being alone. The more you try to avoid being alone the
more you damage your ability to experience the joy and beauty that others
offer. When you have something with another, don't try to hold on, don't
try to make it permanent. You might have it a long time - maybe all your
life. But, each time you put keeping the relationship ahead of making your
life and the other life the best they can be, you destroy part of what you
first loved and you have less of what the other first loved in you. Let
your love for yourself and for the other exceed your need to be the one
providing and receiving. You'll be glad you did, every day.
